Blueberry Cream Cheese Cupcakes

After I stopped working in a bakery, it took me awhile to began to appreciate cake again. Working in a bakery does have its perks, primarily in the form of an abundance of day old cookies, cakes, and pastries, but the perks can soon begin to feel smothering. It started when I felt bad about tossing out food too old to sell (but not too old to enjoy). I would "save" a pastry from the trash every now and again, as it found its way onto my lunch plate. In a few short weeks, I gained the baker's obligatory ten pounds and began to realize that my mission may not be such a good idea to pursue.

Even so, it wasn't unusual to nibble on a cookie fresh from the oven or eat a day old scone with a cup of coffee to start my early mornings. It's simply a part in the life of a baker.

Eventually, as the story often goes, I grew mighty tired of eating anything baked. I became immune to the scents wafting from the oven and found the willpower, for the first time in my life, to put my obsession with eating butter and sugar at bay. Many days I'd find myself wishing for vegetables to snack on as my perpetual sugar high became too much to bear. Despite this, I could never shake my love and desire to eat cookies.

Cake scraps were easily the most abundant treat in the bakery. I assembled numerous cakes each day and, after leveling the layers, I'd find myself with a pile of scraps that begged to be eaten. Some days I'd throw them away, some days I'd happily eat them, and some days I'd eat them, not because I wanted to, but simply because they were there. As you can imagine, I reached the point where I had a hard time even looking at cake.

Mae West once said, Too much of a good thing can be wonderful, but I'd have to respectfully disagree. I don't think she was talking about cake.

After my days at the bakery, I still struggled with my slight aversion to cake. I'd make a cake here or there (and enjoyed them very much), but I wanted to crave cake again. I wanted to become so overcome with the sweetness of frosting and the classic texture of a good cake that I'd need to turn on the oven just to satisfy my appetite.

Eight months later, I can successfully proclaim my reluctance to cake is over. After making a batch of these cupcakes, I became absolutely smitten. Since these cupcakes were finished off a few days ago, I can scarcely think of anything else when I head into the kitchen to find a snack.

These Blueberry Cream Cheese Cupcakes are a dream. The cupcakes have a bright, exuberant flavor aided by a good dose of vanilla and a smattering of blueberries. The cream cheese frosting, however, elevates these cupcakes from ordinary to extraordinary. The frosting is thick and tangy, offsetting the sweet blueberries with a coveted balance. When I baked these cupcakes, all eighteen were gone in less than twelve hours—three people (including me) managed to make ten of them disappear in just a couple hours.

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Blackberry Sour Cream Coffee Cake

Some days I feel as if I've grown up suddenly, my personality changed and shaped by time and the world around me. It's as if I woke up one morning a different person, but I can't seem to pinpoint what those differences may be. Some days I feel the same as ever, my nature indistinguishable from the eight year old girl who walked to school each day with a heavy backpack on her back. As much as I'd like to believe I've grown into a young woman, it's easy to feel like a child posing as an adult, identifying with the Hollywood films where teenagers wake up to a thirty year old body and realize they can eat as much ice cream as they'd like (or, in my case, cake).

I think the truth lies somewhere in between, a mixture of new characters and old habits evolving over time.

Some days I do things that embarrass me, mortified by the words that came out of my mouth or an action I took in a moment of uncertainty. In the small moments of personal shame that follow, I vow never to do or say such a thing again. Sometimes I have similar moments with similar circumstances (I am, after all, the same person often making the same mistakes as I strive to change), the desire to grow up and be someone else never more present. Some days I surprise myself, doing something brave or confident and, though it seems out of character for a moment, I wonder if this is what it means to mature and grow a little wiser.

When I go back and watch old family movies, it makes me realize how my true nature really hasn't changed as much as I imagined. As I view the home movies with my family, I'll often comment on what's happening, only to have the much younger version of me make the exact same observation using identical words a moment later. Though I often share a kindred spirit with a younger me, it's eerie to visually see how little I've changed over time, at least in some aspects.

When I was younger I thought I would be a completely new person as each major stage hit my life. I thought I would feel differently somehow, when I went from elementary school to middle and from middle to high school—older, wiser, less shy, more confident. As each new stage approached, I was left with the realization that I wasn't changed in any significant way than before (except, perhaps, I had grown a little taller).

The changes our natures go through as people, as individuals, as children as much as adults, are so small, so modest, that if you weren't paying attention perhaps you'd never notice the transitions. I catch these minute changes when I no longer shy away from conversations with people I don't know. I uncover them when I do something brave and strong that I would have been intimidated with months or years before. Perhaps I notice them most when meeting with old friends I haven't seen in awhile, realizing how different we've both become.

Today, I may be a completely different person than I was yesterday. I think, however, that it's for the better.

This Blackberry Sour Cream Coffee Cake is a gift to share with friends and family. The cake is moist and light, with a hint of ginger and an abundance of blackberries. The cake is topped with a crumble topping, which lends a bright, sweet brown sugar flavor to the slightly tart berries. With a dusting of powdered sugar, this cake makes a lovely addition to a summer evening.

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Almond Butter Cupcakes with Mocha Buttercream

Growing up, I was a picky eater, especially when it came to tree nuts. I avoided them during my childhood and teenage years simply because they looked "gross" to me. Each Christmas, my father would get a jar of mixed nuts wrapped up in a bow. He'd offer them to me to give a try and I'd turn him down. Though nuts were frequently found in the cupboards and in desserts at family get-togethers, I was so frustratingly picky I wouldn't give them a chance.

Not a single one.

I visited an allergist for the first time after my tongue swelled up like a balloon after eating fresh kiwi in a middle school Beginning Foods course. As long as we were there, my mother and I decided to test for a slew of random foods, animals, and plants. Most notable was my allergy for cats (already known) and, surprisingly, tree nuts. In fact, my arm grew so angry red and swollen, the allergist immediately wrote me out a prescription for adrenaline. I was severely allergic to most tree nuts and never knew it.

Since that day, I've landed myself in the emergency room ICU from a single, accidental bite of an "oatmeal raisin" (macadamia nut) cookie. I've developed the early symptoms of an allergic reaction when I'm in a room where other people are eating pecans just from breathing in the microscopic pieces hovering in the air. I've interrogated many bakers and cooks what exactly is in the food they make hoping that, unlike a particular lady and a "chocolate cake" incident (Oh, hazelnuts are a nut? Whoops.), they'll let me know what to avoid.

In a twisted piece of fate, the fact that I was such a frustratingly picky eater growing up may have saved my life.

Even so, I've always been inexplicably drawn to almonds. I remember moments of guilty pleasures when I'd sneak a few chocolate covered almonds from the cupboard before my parents came home from work. Though I am supposed to avoid all tree nuts as a precaution towards cross contamination, I am technically (and oddly) not allergic to almonds. If you pay attention to the sheer number of almond recipes on this website, you may think of me as either rebellious or an unnecessary risk taker.

However, if I wasn't a bit of a rebel, these cupcakes wouldn't exist and oh boy am I glad they exist.

Almond Butter Cupcakes with Mocha Buttercream are dark, gorgeous, and unexpected. The cupcakes are made with almond butter, which lends a texture to the cupcake that is both light and dense, while just barely sticking to the roof of your mouth. Frosted with a rich mocha buttercream, the flavors compliment one another immensely, making it impossible to eat just one. The almond flavor in these cupcakes is very real (no almond extract involved), which sets them apart from other almond cupcake recipes.

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