Pear Chips

Pear Chips

still art

Montreal got several feet of snow overnight. The city was draped in a heavy blanket of white and, for once, the city grew quiet. It felt like one of those elusive snow days. You know, one of those magical childhood days where school was cancelled and your mother let you play outside all day long. I spent most of the morning cuddling up next to the heater with blankets before I got the courage to bundle up and go for a walk.

I am so glad I did.

snowy path

I live right next to Mount Royal Park, the biggest park in Montreal. It features a "mountain," which gives a glimpse of downtown Montreal from the top (though the mountain is more of a big hill than an actual mountain). At two o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon, the mountain was almost completely deserted.

dead leaf
winter plant

The park always seems to transport me to a place outside the city. It is private, heavily wooded, and the sound of traffic is lost in the wind. It's the perfect escape from city life, even though it is situated in the heart of the city. I guess you could call it Montreal's version of Central Park.

a self-portrait
an icy stream

It was snowing heavily so any small paths that had been carefully trudged were quickly disappearing. More than once I strayed from the path and got lost among the trees (Ooo, what's that shiny thing? I should take a picture of it!). Most notably, I ended up climbing a steep, slippery hill in powder up to my waist, clutching my camera high in the air with one hand and pawing at the ground with the other. I may not be the most practical person you'll ever meet, but that camera stayed dry. Well, at least until the wind came up and covered it with the entire contents of a snowy branch (poor camera).

treacherous steps

The steps leading to the top of the mountain were treacherous. Partially because none of the 200 individual stairs were visible, but mainly because the railings were as slick as ice. Though, the snowy view of the city was worth every mutter under my breath on the way to the top. Believe me.

a snowy city

The sun quickly began to set, my snow-soaked clothes were starting to freeze, and so it was time to trudge my way back home. After my two and a half hour walk, I stumbled back into my apartment and cuddled back up to the heater with a mug of hot tea and warm thoughts.

walking home

I don't think snow days should be productive or stressful. Instead, I think they should be taken advantage of and enjoyed in much of the same way as a child. Even though you may not be having snowball fights or building forts, its nice to spend some time out enjoying the weather.

pear chips

These pear chips have been caramelized with their own sweet fruit sugars. I like to make (and eat) fruit chips because each chip offers something a little bit different. Some are crisp and crunchy like a potato chip. Others are extra sweet and chewy, reminding me of these baked apple chips. Pear chips can be a side to any meal and make the perfect midday or midnight snack. You might forget these are healthy because they taste so good.

pear chips
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Blueberry Brownies

Blueberry Brownies

blueberry brownies

Brownies have always been one of those late night snack foods for me. I only make them when it's dark outside, the weather is a bit frightful, and my apartment is nice and warm. I am all for baked goods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and every space in between), but brownies have always held a particular time slot for me.

blueberry brownies

Brownies are for late nights with my very best girl friends. They are perfectly suited for miserable breakups (topped with a pint of ice cream, of course). But mostly, they are for lazy nights when all I want to do is put my feet up and watch some TV. It doesn't even have to be good television. It can be the worst television you or I have ever laid eyes on. Brownies can turn the worst reality TV shows into an acceptable form of entertainment. And that, my friends, is the true power of the brownie.

blueberry brownies

These blueberry brownies are very cakey and light. I never thought I would find a light, springy brownie, but this is it. The blueberries are a perfect addition and add a nice (and tasty) touch. But if you are a die-hard chocolate lover, you can always make them more chocolaty by adding chocolate chips. You will need a glass of milk with these.

blueberry brownies
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Sugar-Coated Daydreams

This week I made a life decision. A decision that took months of consideration, contemplation, and reflection. A decision that will, in many ways, alter the course of my life forever.

This week I quit graduate school.

Somewhere along the way I lost my passion for physics. Sometimes I wonder if I even had one at all. I love science in the way a child loves science--it's full of mystery and the unexplained. There is something inherently magical about it, like why magnets stick to the refrigerator or how paper airplanes can fly across the room. I loved learning the simple and elegant explanations for the everyday physics in my life.

But when physics broke down into equations full of Greek symbols and endless computer programming (as it invariably will), my curiosity was lost. The magic was gone. There was a disconnect from the wonder I experienced as a child and the reality of the situation I was in now. I was not enjoying what I was doing. I didn't want to do this for another five minutes, much less the rest of my life. I was positively miserable and outright unhappy.

And then something clicked.

I didn't have to do this to myself. It sounds obvious, right? But when you are so far down the rabbit hole, it isn't. I had thoughts of dropping out of school, but they were nothing but the far off fantasies of a good daydream--just out of reach and reality. But this time, when the light bulb flashed above my head, I realized this could be my reality. It wasn't out of reach. It was real and tangible and the appeal was so strong I could scarcely think straight. I am going to quit graduate school. I am going to pursue something I am passionate about. It was the most beautiful thought, the most significant mantra, I had ever felt or believed.

At the same time my misery in physics grew, my passion for food and baking flourished. I spent my lunch hours poring over food and photography websites. I longingly daydreamed up new recipes in meetings. I sketched detailed 3-tiered wedding cakes during lectures. My coworkers were fed hundreds of dollars worth of various treats. I spent an (embarrassing) large amount of time with this website. My heart had been completely captured by baking, sweets, and desserts. There was no turning back. Butter and sugar are going to be somewhere in my future, I knew that much.

I think we sometimes fit ourselves into molds. These molds can come from our current circumstances, family or friends' expectations of us, or expectations we have for ourselves. In my case, it was a combination of all three. I had an idealistic view of who I thought I should be instead of who I actually am. I was forcing myself into a mold that wasn't right for me. I didn't fit and I was miserable because of it. I was never meant to be an astroparticle physicistand that's okay.

It is absolutely okay to try something, to give it an honest shot, and realize that it isn't right for you. For some reason, our society frowns upon this. Quitting has been given such negative connotations. Society immediately wants to equate you with being a "failure" or "disappointment," which is not a true or fair assumption. I believe it is more honorable to quit something that makes you truly miserable and focus your energy towards something that might just make you happy. There is nothing particularly virtuous about sticking it out to the bitter, bitter end months or years from now.

After such a drastic career change, I find myself comforting others more than myself. You don't have to feel sorry for me. You don't have to apologize that it didn't work out. You don't have to worry about my future. And please, oh please, don't you lament to me that I'm making a "big mistake." Everything will be okay. Trust me.

Life decisions can be a mixed bag of emotions (and that is the understatement of the year). But they can also be such a source of relief, of happiness, and of excitement. The world feels brighter and a lot less gloomy. And, best of all, I no longer have to pretend that I am someone I am not. I'm sick of pretending. I've done enough pretending for a lifetime. Though I still have moments of absolute terror in which I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, I have never been more excited about my future. So, world? Bring it on. I'm ready.